


handle it

by Mercs



Series: say it in five words [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Felix lived, Gen, Implied/Referenced Past Polyamorous Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Post-Chorus AU, You thought Locus didn't know how to deal with emotions? Wait until you see Felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 21:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11193327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercs/pseuds/Mercs
Summary: he ignores it in favour of his monologue.———[prompt fills 2/100]





	handle it

**Author's Note:**

> i swear not all these prompts are supposed to be angst. probably.
> 
> its too bad i cant submit this to the angst war lmao

“Don’t even think about it.”

 

 

 

Felix’s head whips around to the door— it could have been almost comical... if he hadn’t been holding three bottles of pills, which all drop to the floor the second he locks eyes with Siris. His pupils dilate, breath chokes up in his throat. He stutters on the words he tries to get out.

 

 

“I– I don’t want to hear it, Isaac.” Felix sucks in a breath, choosing to instead bite his lip than try to continue talking. He lets Siris continue while he stares at the floor.

 

“I...” Siris sighs, almost taking a step forward before thinking better of it; takes a step back. He goes silent, chews his bottom lip, probably thinks of things Felix isn’t sure he wants to know. Felix’s expression morphs from shock, to anxiety, to anger, then finally settles on his age-old, near-perfected mask of indifference he’d used in the army, during bounty work, during Chorus. Siris clears his throat, and he almost regrets looking back up.

 

 

“...go wait in the living room.” It’s a command, poorly phrased to have less impact than actually saying it sternly. Mason’s face holds all the disappointment he needs, however, and Felix’s shoulders slump as he starts out the door. He pauses.

 

 

“...what about the—” He’s cut off almost immediately.

 

“I’ll deal with it.”

 

 

 

 

He leaves the bathroom to Siris.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It’s about twenty minutes later when Mason finally joins him— along with Megan, who, he can tell, is  _ very  _ unhappy, and Sam, who’s hiding all emotions as usual. Felix figures he’s just as upset as the other two; why wouldn’t he be? He has no reason not to, unless he’s  _ also  _ in another period of intense, crippling self-loathing. It isn’t all that uncommon for them nowadays— Felix just hides it better. Or, rather, he used to. He clenches his fists as the three sit down across from, adjacent to, him but relaxes before he bothers looking up. Mask of indifference; don’t show them things are getting to you. Poor advice, he knows, but he’ll follow it till his dying day.

 

 

Siris clears his throat, and he wishes he didn’t have to look up.

 

 

 

He curses the emotion that shows in his voice, the cracks. He wants to swallow it all down, force himself to be as cocky and confident as he usually pretends he is, and bury everything back down below the surface so no one can see. He’d been doing so just fine, they’d all seemed to take him at face value and he’d deflected all the Wu’s previous attempts to interrogate him on his feelings. But no, one bad decision, one stupid choice while they were still home cost him that. Now he’s stuck in what will probably end up as some half-hearted (or full-hearted, seeing as the wWu’s kept trying to tell him he was still  _ loved _ , what a joke) attempt at an intervention or something. What do they know— they  _ don’t _ know. How he feels, what he  _ did _ ; they don’t know anything and he wants to scream at them until he’s blue in the face. He blinks at Megan’s voice pulling him out of his thoughts.

 

“—saac, are you even listening to me?”

 

 

He chews his cheek, debating on answering at all. “...no.”

It’s a quiet response. He diverts his eyes somewhere else. Meg sighs.

 

“Isaac, hon, we’re here to  _ help  _ you, to– to be  _ here  _ for you, but we can’t  _ do _ that when you’re constantly pushing us away, denying that anything’s wrong. We  _ love _ you— you  _ and _  Sam,” The other in question seems to shrink into the couch, somehow. “And we want to make sure you  _ know _ that. _ ” _

 

 

Felix mumbles under his breath, and he gets a blank stare in return.

 

Mason and Megan share a look, and the former raises a brow. “Could... you repeat that?”

 

 

 

There’s a beat of silence before Felix complies.

 

 

“I said, shut up.”

 

 

Megan starts to speak, but he cuts her off without a second thought.

 

 

 

“Shut up, just– shut up!” He peels himself off the recliner and balls his hands into fists, anger leaking through his indifferent façade. He takes a sharp breath before continuing.

 

“I don’t get why you’re so adamant about telling me I’m still fucking welcome here! You don’t know what we– what  _ I _  did, what  _ I _ caused!  _ I _ took a job that made us kill  _ hundreds  _ of people; children, families, civilians, people who barely even knew what the hell was going on in their own damn planet! I personally saw to it that people were fucking gassed in their homes, soldiers too young murdered on battlefields from a civil war that shouldn’t have gone on for as long as it goddamn did, leaders shot dead during budding peace talks.

 

“I could have gotten myself  _ killed _ if Lo– S... if  _ he _ hadn’t finally decided he’d had enough of my bullshit decisions and took matters into his own bloody hands.” Felix can feel his nails digging into the palms of his hands, knows if he keeps them clenched they might start to bleed. He ignores it in favour of his monologue. He ignores the wetness in his eyes.

 

 

“And yet, here you both are, trying to convince us– convince  _ me _ – that I’m still accepted in this house. That you still love me. That you still  _ care _ , after all I’ve done. it’s like— it’s as if you’re completely avoiding the fact that I’ve done terrible, irreversible fucking things in the past.. almost decade? Do you not  _ get it? _   You should be turning me in to the UNSC, not trying to rekindle the relationships we had  _ seven years ago! _ ” Felix’s voice cracks; his body is taut and shaking and he opts for taking in a deep breath.

 

 

 

Everything is quiet, save for Felix holding in his impending breakdown. Siris bites his bottom lip. Megan looks ready to extend a hand, to get up and help, but doesn’t know if she should. Locus isn’t even looking in his direction.

 

 

 

It’s a snap decision when Felix turns, taking long, tense strides out of the room. Megan stands and Mason soon after, both intending to follow but they’re half a second too slow. Sam looks up and over just as they lose sight of Isaac.

 

 

 

 

Felix grabs something off the side table and shrugs on a jacket.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He lets the door slam shut on his way out and doesn’t dare look back.


End file.
